Gimmel Tammuz
I felt so connected today. Everything I talked to Hashem about on Shabbos – Bnei Noach, creativity, understanding what’s happened to me over the past five years – thank G-d, it’s materializing.
I had all these powerful revelations of very potent energy, and no keilim to keep them in. No way to anchor it here or to be anchored – and that’s the point of all of this. To anchor the heavens to the earth. It was all for the sake of healing, of awakening, of beginning. All the crippling pleasure, all those times I was convinced I would not – could not – return to my body. All the spirituality. And then it left. I was in utter darkness. A black, black night of soul for almost a year.
And all that was, the panic attacks, the pain, the inner death, was just an intermission before the most important part of the play could begin. The curtain rose and suddenly I found myself back in the blinding, glorious light. But now I knew how to handle it. I knew what to do with it. Now I could tell what was the truth and what was refuse from the external elements of my psychic universe.
And now I can have the highs and not be drained and wasted after. I can do. Just like I knew when I started everything with him three years ago, I would be anchored here so I could move in the world.
And I do. I am. Thank G-d.
